Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
