im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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