There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
