It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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