I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize