remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
