As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
