She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
