Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize