does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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