this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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