Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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