Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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