he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
