you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need a beard to bite.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
