Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
