It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Someone came in the potted fern
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
