Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
