I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
