I wish I only lived at night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Come see our sink grown plant.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
