Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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