you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
