He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
