You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize