and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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