Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
