forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's always time for handjobs
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
