Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
