Cold hands, warm shart.
Your face is a jimmy john
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
