If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
