I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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