Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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