gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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