the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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