I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
