I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
