You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
