I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
