i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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