I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
