Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
