I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
