I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
