I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
