There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
