so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
