"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize