i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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