You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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