you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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