I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
