That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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