pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
