sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
