just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
