good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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