I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize