am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I've blown a few things in my day
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
