Nicole vs. Life
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
