Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
