every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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