Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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