just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
