im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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