the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
