I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
