I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
