Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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