'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
