he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
