hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
