What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
